“Saving the Best for Last”

“Saving the Best for Last”

A Eulogy on PT by Sieur Clubin

Ok, I missed writing a eulogy on this guy. No, I didn’t miss but I deliberately skipped writing his eulogy. It doesn’t mean that I totally forgot him while writing eulogies on the other 3 guys. I fact, I remembered him. I so desperately wanted to write a eulogy on him. But the circumstance in which he was at that point of time, forbid me from doing so. I shall substantiate my stance somewhere down (!) here.

As J.Black has stated somewhere in his eulogy on me - if I formed the crucial third-wheel of the rickety-TTT-rickshaw, and if and only if this guy had been around when TTT took its first breath, things would have been quite different. He would have made the 4^th or the 5^th wheel and TTT would have been a SU30-MKI, a Swedish Gripen, or an F-15 Eagle; instead of just being a rickshaw (thanks to AeroIndia2011 that I couldn’t think of any other similes but fighter planes) Now even the rickshaw is not there but the TTT has turned into single-wheeled bicycle as to be seen in circuses and is being rode by myself and J.Black, one person being on the shoulders of the other and changing our roles frequently. Such was this guy’s grip over wheels that his mere presence could have turned a rickshaw into a jet and his absence, a jet into a rickshaw. At times, I wonder if he has been a professional mechanic (turning a rickshaw to a jet) and tire-thief (turning back a jet to a rickshaw) at the same time.

Such was his talent- in brief; I mean a brief description of his talents. But I’m getting fed up of describing him with ‘this guy, this guy and this guy’. The problem with this guy is that this guy never came up with a pen-name of his own and this guy never contributed at any point of time to the most-low-clicked TTT blog site. I need to find a suitable pen-name for him. Going by his striking characteristics, I think the pen-name PT would best describe him. PT as in pussy-tickler (he had one) or as in physical trainer (I’ll let you know why) So shalt thou be called PT; untileth thou cometh witheth a peneth-nameth of thy owneth.

Now that we’ve coined a pen-name for this guy, it has become easy for me to narrate this guy’s eulogy using this guy’s pen-name.

My very first memory of PT goes as back as…as back a…umm…well, I don’t remember at all. I joined this company in 2006 and our cubicles were set up on the ground floor. We moved to the first floor may be after 6-7 months or so. As long as we were there on the ground floor, I remember him addressing me only once. He was laughing his ass off and telling J.Black “Hey man, he thinks I’m J.Black!”; when I’d addressed him with J.Black’s name, coz I was quite new to the company and didn’t know whose name is what and all. Unfortunately, even J.Black happened to be there and he had this sorry look on his face. I was wondering whether this guy is mentally stable or what coz he appeared to be so happy to listen his own name and when I came to know the truth, I was cursing him like hell (yes PT, I did) And that’s it. He never spoke to me again for a year; till we moved on to the first floor. He was of average built, had this goat-beard aka a kinda pussy-tickler, tinted glasses and a pair of cunning eyes stuffed behind them. He always appeared to have fun at others expense, which he of course- did. He was an auditor when I’d joined.

After a few months on the first floor: One day the volume was less. Everyone was either outside the bay or was busy chatting with their best buddies at work. I don’t know what prompted this guy; he came and sat next to me. It was a Friday. It was a Friday coz he’d come in casuals. He was wearing this full-sleeve black color hoodie (that looked like the symbiotes in Spiderman) blue jeans, and thick black leather shoes (the Woodland type) He slowly opened the zip, shoved his hand inside and started groping in my…..bag. I usually get pissed when anyone touches my personal things (!) without even asking for permission. But since I had the notion that this guy is of my sorts (i.e. either mentally light years ahead of the generation or behind it), I let him go. After that he shoots this question – “What you carry in the bag man?”. I said there is a book. As he heard the word book, I could see his pupils dilate behind those tinted glasses and his mouth salivating. Soon followed the next question- “Which book?”. I said ‘a novel’. “Which novel?”. “Lolita”. I don’t know whether he knew there is a novel by the title Lolita or he was thinking of the Lolitas category on the porn sites, but it was evident that he got impressed by what I said. “Show me the book”, he said. It was the 50^th edition of the novel which had this picture of a pair of beautiful lips on the front page. I saw his fingers rolling over the picture as if he was actually palpating the texture of those lips. To keep the ball rolling, I asked him “What you read?”. Quick was the response-“Jean Paul Sartre”. I said “yeah, he is a great author”, though I had (have) not read even a single line of his. PT liked that wild guy very much. What’s his name? Yeah, Oscar Wilde. “The Picture of Dorian Grey” being one of his favorites (I don’t know how it is; haven’t read it yet) There was another author whom PT liked immensely. I’ve heard him often talking about that guy. I think it must be….(oh boy, I’ve grown senile; I can’t even recall this…shit) I think we even presented him a book of that author on his birthday. Fuck, I’ve forgotten. I think it is Dostoevsky or someone of that sort. Anyway, and so became we friends. But I still doubted that he has actually read all those books that he claimed to have read, until he recited the entire poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth once. That made me believe that he is well read. If one is not into reading, he cannot recite an entire poem that he had read in high school. It appeared that during the initial days, it was more of mutual respect that existed between us than friendship. I respected him fearing that he might make fun of me if I quote something wrong from literature and I think he started respecting me for the same reason. And we found another person in the team who was also into reading. It was J.Black’s X. She was an ardent reader. I remember her saying “I read every book twice” (I know that this much tickling is enough to send J.Black a couple of years down the memory lane. He will take a long time to come back. Let’s leave him alone and continue with PT)

Apart from literature, he was also into arts. He was interested in paintings. I have heard him saying “I like Monet”. Once I said that Modern Art is an old concept and he laughed at it. After two days, he comes to me and says- “Yeah man, you’re right. I realized that Modern Art is not all that modern”. As much jocular as he was, twice was he humble.

He was like water. I didn’t mean to say what all purposes he was being used for. What I meant to say is that he used to get along with everyone, in every group; just like water taking the shape of its container. At one point of time, we were in the same team i.e. PedoDa’s. That was probably the best team ever to be formed in the history of this company. We had some real intelligent people in the team; the only exception being the team lead himself! Our bay used to be nothing less than Plato’s Academy, as there was nothing under the Sun we didn’t use to discuss about. We had some girls in our team, who had both brains and beauty- which is a rarest of the rare phenomenon ever to be seen in nature. Profanity used to overflow the measure. One had to go through stringent tests to get into this team and if one not blessed with even the least amount of profanity, would get rejected in the very first round itself. But one thing was evident- whatever topic it might have been, it used to get transformed into a sexual one in no time. Thanks to our age, hormones, PT, PedoDa and (no, not me. I was always the very innocent type)…

A great footballer he was. The only difference being that instead of kicking the ball, he used to stamp the feet of his opponents with that 25kg military boots studded with teethed, steel horseshoes at the bottom. That’s how he used to help his team win. There was another crackpot who used to catch the balls of his opponents in order to incapacitate them (a true believer in the “catches win matches” principle) I’ll not write about him anytime in future coz it’s not worth investing time, energy and brains describing a cartoon. Cartoons are meant to be watched, not to be read about…

Now we shall see what kind of a physical or a personal trainer he was; which would explain his pen-name. He used to attack from behind; the targets always being hot chicks on the floor. He’ll come pussyfooted behind a girl who is busy working, and without warning, he’d choke her by putting his right-hand around the neck and squeezing it. It looked like he was trying to teach her breathing techniques or demonstrating the strength of his 8-pack biceps. But to us guys, it looked as if on the pretext of playing around with them, he was actually trying to feel ‘em up (you know, the pink in girls that every guy would love to play around with) We could see that his elbow (by that time it would’ve encroached the cleavage-breakup area) moving across desperately in an attempt to get a feel of that softest clump of fat embedded in the skin, in the form of cups. If the girl happened to be aware of his presence, he’d simply stand behind her and try to guess the color of her xxxxxxxx (make a guess yourself). But he was hypnotic. The girls never understood his intentions and we guys, never revealed it. I hope now you’re convinced why I’ve given him the pen-name PT. Let me know whether it suits him or not. I might have gone a bit overboard in this paragraph but I think it’s ok considering PT’s appreciation for crude humor (And by the way, who gives a shit when he is not around and can’t do anything? This is a eulogy but not a felicitation speech, isn’t it!?)

Apart from his literary interest and appreciation for art, he was truly intelligent. I must say that he was the most intelligent among us (surpassing even J.Black; reasons stated below) He had to be intelligent otherwise he wouldn’t have been worked as an auditor for 2 years (P.S. even I worked as an auditor for some time!) He was intelligent for 4 main reasons:

1) He was handpicked and promoted by the client to work as an auditor

2) He did his MBA in the US

3) He was the first one among us to get out of this shitpool; and most importantly-

4) He flipped the bird at some despicable carpetbagger who has been custom-made for cleaning public toilets using his tongue but unfortunately, holds a high rank here (that’s how it became a shitpool), when he tried to act extra smart (Well, that is this shit {face+head}’s specialty. He tries to act smart and gets screwed in public even by the newest of the new member in the team. I’ll probably write an article on this piece sometime) Thus proving that PT had this incredible talent of judging people precisely and respecting them accordingly.

I, PedoDa, and a girl who was a damn good cartoonist (specializing in Calvin and Hobbes and Hagar the Horrible) and who was, at that point of time, appeared to be PT’s best friend (?) from the opposite sex; met him a couple of days before he flew to the US to pursue his MBA. They both were wearing black t-shirts and the girl was in blue jeans (who gives a fuck about what PT was wearing below the tummy anyway. But cudos to my photographic memory, I remember what the girl was wearing!) We went to this pub on MG Road (Purple Haze?) and were having a good time till PedoDa, living up to his reputation, broke a beer mug. We bailed out from the place in an instant and bid adieu to PT. That was the last time I saw him……..in India.

While doing his MBA, he used to come online every now and then and we used to talk. It was obvious that he was missing home badly coz he desperately wanted to eat those homemade pickles. Fortunately, his bro was there to guide and help him. Since he was bright and brilliant, he successfully completed his MBA, though the pressure was insanely high. At times, he used to act as if he’d totally lost it. That’s why I didn’t write a eulogy on him the first time, fearing that it might activate some unexplored region in his brain and make him think and act in a totally different dimension. But I never thought that I might have to write a eulogy on him so soon…

That’s how life is, so full of surprises. If we all knew whats in store for us, then all of us would’ve been born prepared. Unfortunately, it’s not that way. It’s a good thing that PT left us for good a couple of years ago. It’s helped us a lot to learn to live without him. Or probably, life prepared us in advance. Otherwise the grief would’ve been threefold. This is one instance wherein the saying out of sight, out of mind has really turned out to be practical. We will not miss him coz we are not missing him. But memories- bloody pictures stored in the mind which pop up with utmost clarity, exactly at a time when I want them to be buried, force me to remember him. The more I try to forget, the more I tend to recall. Though we don’t give a shit about what all happened, it becomes our duty to say something at this grievous hour. And considering PT’s taste, interest, inclination, and orientation; I write on his epitaph:

PT, yo is in heaven, take a look

Thou shall no more be a horny prick

Don't eye on Eve, she's Adam's fuck

Till your time comes- "Best of Luck!"

There sits Jesus on his golden chest

Take your eyes off His Angel's breast

Stop your quest, control your lust

Let your weanie take some rest

Float on clouds, they now are your wing

You and Fairies, shall play and sing

They're all girls; so cover up your thing

You won't get boxers, try a g-string

One small error and you'll be sent back

Hence stop begging for a snort of crack

Make your moves with utmost knack

Use your brain- that you almost lack

And hey! Don’t bother if you end up in hell

That’s where you’ll find the rest of us dwell

Come, together we all shall yell-

"Without Friends - Heaven was real Hell..!!"

Thanks for constructively utilizing your time!

-Sieur Clubin 11:10AM, 15^th Feb, 2011

---xxx---

The Departed - By Phoenix

They came upon a noon of despair
With folded arms and dreams to Spare
Uncertainty and fate were points to Ponder
With brewing cups and laughter share

He who felt and burden fight
A warrior by faith and broken Light
The task of solitude for ever Share
Neither was here nor freedom there

The one from east had skill Compare
Baring south the magi share
With gifts of wisdom and humor Declare
These were men in Gods despair

In the end , they promised thee
Their oath of pain with perfect Bliss
God bless the slaves of urban Gain
Who died in hope or killed in Vain

The Warrior by Pedo Da

I slog throughout the day, I slog throughout the night

Burn all my strength and apply all my might

My body aches, my soul cries, my limbs pain

but yet there is this wonderful and strange feeling of gain

People laugh at me, people despise me

I am everything that nobody wants to be

They say I am a loser, a man beyond repair

and somebody only destined for despair

Some have sympathy in their eyes, some ridicule

while others say that I am a plain and simple fool

Often criticized, often buried, often written-off and often hated

I still continue on my mission unruffled and unabated

I don't know why I do this, I don't know what is the drive

and yet this is my life and this is what makes me thrive

I don't care about the world, I don't care about what they say

let them ignore me, let them laugh at me as long as they may

For all that I know is the fire within that continues to rage

and the relentless battle that I am ready to wage

This is dedicated to all the true champions

- Pedo Da

Beauty Is Truth, Truth Beauty - By Sieur Clubin

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," – that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

- John Keats


John Keats – they say he was a very talented poet. I don’t know whether it is true or not coz I’d never read him. He died at a very young age of 25. Surprising to myself, I like the people who have died at a young age but have left an indelible mark behind e.g. Vivekananda, Cleopatra, Keats, Van Gogh, Ramanujan, Kurt Cobain and many others to quote. I like ‘em – and it doesn’t mean that I know everything about them. In fact, I don’t know anything about them except the fact that they died young. I like them for reasons unknown to myself. So I wanted to know more about this guy and was reading some literature on him whereupon I came across these lines. It was just an accident. But at times, some accidents do turn out to be useful ones. In this case, these two lines did provide me with a topic to write something upon this week for our blog. Above are the last two lines from his “Ode on a Grecian Urn”. By the time I finished reading the first two lines, my soul was witnessing how my body was gradually sinking into deep sleep. Hence I left the gonna-be-futile effort of going through the entire ode and trying to understand it. I guess they termed him talented may be coz his talent laid in writing poetry that can put even the insomniac into deep sleep. Anyway, what was important to me were the last two lines and I’d already gotten ‘em. That’s enough of introduction. Let’s jump to the main topic.


A few of my friends have always been suspicious that I must have been an ardent lover right from the day I hit puberty, no matter how hard I deny the veracity in their postulate (as I’ve been an ardent lover much prior to that! ;-)) They think my nights must have been more bright & colorful than my days. Fun apart, I really don’t understand or unable to figure out what makes them think so. Hitherto, my life has been an open-book for a few and they have gone through each and every line in it with a magnifying glass – repeatedly. They know me in and out. Curiously, the same people question me with that leering look in their eyes – “you’re a man of secrets”, "you never made a move to get the women you loved", "you denied that you'd ever loved but only lusted", "you secretly harbored love" and so on..! It is quite eerie when I get to hear that I’m ‘close-mouthed, covert, cryptic, enigmatic, tight-lipped, zipped (of course I’m, but down there where it is required!)’ from the people whom I thought have understood me better than anyone else. Yes, I agree that I’m tight-lipped but only when it comes to others i.e. I don’t divulge the secrets being told to me by my friends, which they expect me to keep it to myself. And I’ve got nothing to hide neither from my past, nor present or may be, not even from the future. I recently received an SMS which read like this – “Hurt me with the truth than comforting me with a lie...”. Well, that’s what I’ve been following throughout my life. No matter how blunt or hurting it turns out to be, I try to stick to the fact as much as I can (of course not while being indulged in casual talks). So, why is that my friends still doubt upon me? Do they ask so coz they just wanna play pranks with me or do they ask coz I look like a person who has been fostering HIV for more than 20years in his body or have they really failed to understand me?? …I just wonder... But at times, it makes me feel proud of myself! Makes me feel proud coz though I suck at selling myself, things like this make me feel that I’m good at misleading at least! :) What if I can’t convince, I can confuse at least..!! :)

But yes, I’m a sucker for Beauty…especially the feminine one! ;-) By Beauty, I meant sheer aesthetics i.e. looks and appearance but not the internal beauty which might consists of various psychological characteristics. Beauty is my weakness and at times, could be the reason for my sickness (coz it does influence the increased flow of testosterone). I love everything that is beautiful in both the natural and the man-made world. I appreciate anything that is beautiful (sans men) – right from the soothing smile carved out on a baby's lips to the hotness of a stunning babe’s luscious lips. I keep staring at things that attract me, forgetting the time-space dimension that I’d be in to. And many a times, this has lead to embarrassing situations. I would be lost looking at a thing that appears beautiful (that would be a person most of the times!) and at the same time, the person whom I’d be checking out, will be looking at me with all that hatred-filled, disgusted, but somewhat ego-boosted glance. When our eyes meet, I realize what kinda bonehead I am and the first word that would come to my mind would be “Fuck!”, while taking my glance away at the same time. I try to bailout from that place asap! Fortunately or unfortunately, most of the times, that person turns out to be of someone in the age-group 18-30, and obviously - a female. And I keep repeating the same mistake again and again. I need to be cautious henceforth coz this might cost me my job as per the company policy. Who would believe if I tell that I was not trying to sexually exploit anyone but was only checking out the redness of the lips, color of the Iris (if it is green, that would remind of the Crab nebula. My goodness, how I love green eyes! They are so expressive, piercing and powerful just like that of a supernova explosion!), the arch of the brows, the line of the nose, how attractive the smile is, the flow of the silky smooth, soft, wavy hair - aromatic and quivering like that of the smoke emitting out of a smoldering incense stick, the beads of sweat on the forehead, if there or not any piercing on the earlobe, the curvy lines on the neck that appear and disappear intermittently, how nimble the tongue has been, dimple on the cheek (I’m dead if there is any! :) and FYI, I’ve not met even a single guy who doesn’t like a girl with dimples..), the tenderness of the skin, the radiance of the complexion, the undulating gait … and a million other “censored-to-be-mentioned-here” qualities!? No wonder I’d get caught red-handed by my subject while I’m busy observing all these details. And I don’t think the excuse “I’ve not taken the ASHI Quiz yet” would be a reason sufficient enough to save my skin here…

And may be, this weakness or the disease of mine – of losing myself while observing something beautiful with rapt admiration, might have made my friends and subjects think that I’m always on the prowl for some action (my age and relationship status also add on to this).

I just discovered that I’m a Philocalist; meaning a lover of beauty! (Not bad. I thought I must be the only specimen around). It is interesting to note that some things just have to be there but do nothing to make the ambience and most importantly - the moment beautiful. Their mere presence would make the difference. I’ve also observed that I tend to remember beautiful objects in a much clear & precise way than the ordinary things, no matter how shallow the beautiful objects and how grave the ordinary things have turned out to be at a later stage. And I’ve always wondered how the beautiful objects must be feeling about themselves, what might be going on in their mind - especially when they know that they are beautiful and are the victims of prying eyes..!? Do they experience a feel of pride? A sort of uneasiness? Agony? Ego? Or pity at others?? Only they would know…

People say that "Beauty is only skin deep”. I’d say “what a dumbass statement this actually is..!!” I can bet that it can’t be anyone but someone the sorts of Steve Buckner who framed that shitty slogan. Coz anyone with the least amount of sight or vision, can never come up with such a baseless statement. External beauty is as important (well, more than in certain cases. A study shows that good-looking people get better jobs) as the internal one (if there is any). For its been 2,000years since Antony and Caesar killed themselves for Cleopatra, its been 350years since the construction of the Taj for Mumtaz, its been well over 200years since Daffodils left an everlasting impact on the world through Wordsworth, its been 48years since Marilyn Monroe ruled Hollywood, and it must have been the beginning of time when Mahabharata took place because of Draupadi and Troy was atomized for Helen. Though they are not here today, the legend of their beauty still lingers on. It is so powerful that it will transcend all ages for generations to come. Nobody will imagine a wise, witty, intelligent woman when they hear the word Cleopatra; nobody will imagine an able administrator when they hear the word Mumtaz Mahal; nobody will imagine a gritty patriot and a loyal wife when they hear the word Rani Padmini. But all one would imagine is either their striking beauty, or the legends associated with it. In that case, how can a yet-sane person like me agree to a witless statement and consider that external beauty is valueless, when it has left its footprints right in front of me – on the sands of time??

So after taking a lot of detour and finally to conclude, I would say that being a Philocalist, I adore Beauty. And being an atheist, I worship Beauty (!?). And my body language & words need not be the actual reflection of my thoughts & emotions! (Just like the situation wherein you cross your path with your boss …you just smile at that person and get one in return. And you both know that the smiles exchanged were genuinely fake! Well, the phrase ‘body language’ has rung a bell. I had this court-martial with the fellow TTK Board of Directors last Friday which I think, could be developed into an article) Argh, detour again :( Anyway, to cut a long story short, as I started off the essay with the misinterpretation of my intentions & behavior by my friends & subjects, I’d now like to reiterate that my philocaly should not be taken for lechery - for I loved many beautiful women but never loved any woman!

The last one is probably the best sentence I’ve ever phrased..!! ;-P

Thanks for reading! 27th Jun, 10

Sieur Clubin 06:36pm

Why We Write - By Phoenix

It would be unwise, or even diabolical to determine & even measure the thought process and the ideas that have surpassed us, not being systematically tabled. Contemplating issues, be it political or even hypothetical, I must add I am blessed to be in esteemed company.

The CIRCLE as I may call it, comprised various articulate and not so sane individuals. By sane I mean the fine line. Lets take into account the word “HARAMI” for instance, never used it my life, and then one day bang you meet this guy out of the blue and its all that reflects off him. That word was all about him. Its ironical “harami” as I know him got his “title”, more like earned it. A ““good guy”” (the inverted commas here most definitely needed), loved scotch, a taste which was eventually acquired, through endless years of old monk and other UB distilled, multiple malt whiskies to mention the least. A harmless guy at first, a guy who would mind his own business with a no nonsense attitude. The Japanese say deception is an art, and boy do we have one hell of an artist. He did sport a “nirvana” kind hair do, but eventually lost it to family values.

The next guy at the table, was a low observable, with the knack to pick up high frequency off hand topics. An avid writer, (was now known) thanks to his cable debut. Believe me, its hard to write about a guy with a deep ideal. None the less, one of his major attributes was his ability to gel with people of either extremes. A guy who could have breakfast with a communist and dinner with a capitalist and yet meet on middle ground. An extremely chivalrous guy by nature and dripping with modesty, he was kinda socialist in every sense of it(a lot of examples to support what I say).

The third wheel on the Band wagon, was a guy of grave physical presence. An avid writer, and a huge patron of Bollywood classics. Dissatisfied with his current role, he was a guy of extreme potential. He did command a lot of “attention” from the opposite sex. He finally did break away from the wagon, (we saw it coming) and walked away from the table. He is still missed, for his stand on various subjects, but also for the humor he co created with Harami. Take care dude, and do work on that power house dream. He was soon replaced by an out spoken smart ass guy. Though initially reluctant and shy he was soon incorporated and almost became like his boss. He is an active member of the think tank, and contributes regularly. He has only one rule when it comes to women “there are no rules”.

At the end of it, I could not help but remember this song from STAIND

And it's been a while

Since I could hold my head up high

And it's been a while since I first saw you

And it's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet again

And it's been a while since I could call you

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been awhile

Since I can say that I wasn't addicted

And it's been a while since I can say I love myself as well and

And it's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

And it's been a while but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must I feel this way?

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day

And it's been a while

Since I could look at myself straight

And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry

And it's been a while since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been a while but I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to be

I know it's me

I cannot blame this on my father

He did the best he could for me

And it's been a while

Since I could hold my head up high

And it's been a while since I said I'm sorry

- Casanova

All I Asked For - By Pedo Da

All that I asked for was your love

but what I got in return is your very best

I cried and I pleaded endlessly

but you would simply not allow me to take any rest

I still remember those warm and passionate nights

those little skirmishes and those lovable fights

Those pure and magical moments of intimacy

u were in skimpy clothes and I wore something saucy

I wish you were still here and in my arms

with the moon shining bright and we alone in the farms

Oh! Where have those lovely days gone

when it was all about my ding and your dong

- Pedo Da

I Don’t Know! - By Sieur Clubin

KaridaadoDe kathhuriyam
MuruDaadoDe maLayajangaLam
KonkidoDaem smarachaapavan iLikayvare?
MaruLe, pollameye laesu nallara maiyyoL..!!


As the musk is pallid
As the sandal is crooked
As the rainbow is arched
Does anyone detest ‘em coz their looks are horrid?
Idiot, the more grotesque they turn out to be
The more loveable one’s lover would be …!!


… is what the beautiful queen Amrutamati replies to her maid, when the maid asks her why she is so madly in love with that mahout, who is so ugly that he was named after his ugliness (his name would be Ashtavanka, meaning crookedness in eight organs. Ashta=eight, vanka=crooked), and also in spite of her being married to a handsome, loving king; in spite of she being so divinely beautiful and intelligent, in spite of her having all the wealth, all the worldly joys at her disposal.

The above is an excerpt from Janna’s Yashodhara Charita, a great poem written about 800 years ago (please remember this point. I’d be using this somewhere in the end). The mahout would be very ugly but was blessed with a great voice. On one moonless night, the queen hears a song being sung in a melodious voice. She gets so attracted by the voice that decides to step out of the palace and find out who the singer is. The voice guides her to the elephant-stable where she meets the mahout and instantly falls in love with him, despite of his ugliness. After this, she starts visiting him every night and their sexual escapades continue. One day she visits him a bit delayed and he, tired of waiting for her and out of anger and frustration, kicks and whips her. But she’d still apologize and continues to serve him with what she was there for. (It is interesting to note that our ancestors were aware of SDM/BDSM practices at least 800 years ago!) When the queen’s maid comes to know this, she asks the questions being stated in the first paragraph and the queen replies as narrated above. Their story takes a lot of twists and turns, birth and rebirth scenes and narrating all that here would be nothing but an act of foolishness.

I had this poem in high school. I guess some 8-10 stanzas were there. But I remembered only these 4 lines out of all the stanzas. I hated this when it was in my curriculum coz I always hated studying the crap that was mandatory for me to mug up and pollute my already endangered-numbered brain cells. So I never bothered to figure out what is the meaning of the poem but just focused on mugging up what my teacher taught us and replicate the same in the exam. But now, I’m inclined towards reading these kinda works (though I don’t understand them) coz there is no restriction and it is not mandatory for me to mug them up and vomit the same in my answer paper. I’m doing this out of my interest. Hence it appears so awesome! Some recent incident made me remember these lines and I bought the entire work. And even after reading that, I remember only these 4 lines. I’ve tried to translate those lines into English. You can see my struggle for finding the rhyme and holding the meaning in the translation. I hope you got the gist of what the poem conveys by reading the translation. If you still don’t understand, then please contact me in person so that I can pound ya…

Anyway, neither the poem nor its characters is the focal point here. I just used this as a prelude to narrate the stuff that I wanted to say.

There are many things that astonish me to some extent. There are certain things that astonish me to a moderate level. And there are a few things that astonish me a lot! And human psyche is one among the subjects that I can classify under the last category i.e. it astonishes me a lot! Each of us thinks so differently, our tastes vary, our choices clash, our interests differ, our preferences contrast and our opinions collide. We all are so different just like the stripes on the zebras. Let’s analyze the human psyche under two circumstances – (i) Friendship (ii) Love.

When it comes to friendship, most of the times, we make friends out of “chance”. All my friends are from school/college or I got to know them at work. Only a few I made out of “choice”. I guess it is always difficult to find a person of our choice. We are fortunate if we’re able to find a person who matches at least 30-40% of our frequency. And the people I got to know out of choice, stayed (staying) with me for a long time. And I think it is the same case with most of us. Well, that was about friendship. But when it comes to love, most of the times it would be the reverse scenario! That is, we find our mates out of “choice” but not out of chance, as against the case with friendship (I’m not talking about the ancient times wherein the girl didn’t have any other option but to go with the choice of her parents. I’m talking about the modern times where people from both the genders are free to decide what is best for them). We will (‘we’ as individuals) always be responsible for the choice we’ve made and no one else would be held responsible for that. And I can bet that we do invest a hell lot of time to find out whether our partner is actually meant for us or not, whether we share common interests or not, whether we both as a couple, lead the life together or not. And after all this observing, thinking, talking, showing interest in each other and all that gets over, we decide to take the matters ahead i.e. we either continue to be friends or decide to be boy/girl friends, depending on our respective gender. Breaking up wouldn’t arise here coz nobody invests too much time on a person whom they didn’t like in the first instance itself…

So when a person chooses his mate, it is by default understood that he likes his choice, he is confidence of his decision, he trusts upon his selection, and if he is a bit abnormal (‘eccentric’ or ‘lunatic’ wouldn’t sound all that polished), he can go to any extent or do any stupid thing for the sake of his mate and vice versa. So both the boy and the girl like each other and they decide to live happily ever after, contributing as best as they can to the ever-increasing Indian population … is what you are thinking that I’d say, then you’re wrong. I’ve got something else to say…

Hence under normal circumstances, when a couple decides for mutual courtship, they must truly be liking each other, must be knowing each other’s choices and preferences, must be aware of what would make one happy or go sulky, and how to correct if anything of that sort happens. In short, they must have “understood” each other. Fine, the frequencies match and they come together! They both are very happy with each other, they enjoy each other’s company, they have a good time whenever the time permits (as the Bard says “But passion lends them power, time means, to meet; Temp’ring extremities with extreme sweet..!!"), they get to know each others’ family, and they think that they’ve made a scrupulous decision. It is icing on the cake when both of them are educated, “well-read”, intelligent, working in a reputed company, and earning well (the guy at least). Well, All's Well That Ends Well!

After spending years like this, one day the guy discovers that his girl has been cheating on him! The scenario, to the letter, is the story written by Janna 800 years ago! It is as if Janna had foreseen this thing happening 800 years ago! (Hats off to him!) This girl is going out with another guy (simultaneously), in spite of having a caring, loving and devoted boyfriend who has already made a lot of sacrifices and compromises in order to see her happy. And in return, she has been constantly cheating on him. The guy realizes that it is now too late to get her back and to love her with the same intensity with which he always used to love her. So he decides to break up with her (which any sane person would do). And before breaking up, when he asks her why she did so, her reply was nothing but the short and sweet - “I don’t Know!”… which of course was coupled with the usual timely crying tactic that all girls are bestowed with…

This is where exactly I wanted to arrive at! This is what intrigues me the most! The most difficult thing here is not finding out who cheated whom but “WHY” they did so?? This bloody human psyche psyches me out. What would be the reason for her to cheat on him? As already being stated, she was beautiful, intelligent, well-read, looked respectable, and most importantly, she was in love with him. Even he loved her sincerely (I can tell this coz even today I see the traces of that fossilized-love in his eyes). They made a good pair. But what made her still go for another guy? Was it for money? Sex? Looks? Or any other trait of him that she got attracted to? And if at all she had to go for another guy, why didn’t she dump the first one? Being so intelligent and full of common sense, didn’t she think that handling two guys simultaneously will make her something else? What if he had done the same with her? What if he had impregnated her and dumped her thereafter? Well, I don’t see much difference here coz even she impregnated him (!?). She “used” him, impregnated him with her memories and left. If he had done so, she at least had an option to go for an abortion. But even that option is void for him coz memories can never be aborted. They can only be delivered. They get delivered as many times as they wish to take over the mind. They never get subdued but only get strengthened. He has to carry that crap as long as he is alive. Forget all the other shit, why doesn’t she tell the “actual reason" for cheating on him? Does she really not know it? Or is it just that she doesn’t want to reveal? Queen Amrutamati had a reason. She fell for mahout’s voice at least but what did this girl fall for? That too when she is in love with someone else? Was this entire love thing from her end nothing but a drama? Was she using him as a ‘stepney’ in case if something goes wrong? Or was she in love with him out of “chance” but not of “choice”? …


Well, too many questions which fortunately, I’m not supposed to answer for. I’ve witnessed many stories of this kind but mentioned one here. And hey, let me make it clear that I’m not woman-hater. But in fact, I love them…especially the beautiful ones! :-) It is very obvious and evident that there has been equal contribution to spouse cheating from both the genders (if I’m not wrong, we men hold a major market share in it!) This cheating thing had always been there, right from the beginning of life on our planet. I’m using the above characters just to narrate the story. And being a male, I’ve supported and upheld my own gender, that’s it!

I think that it is the animal instinct that drives us to go for adventures like this in life. We go for it may be coz we quickly get bored with the everyday stuff (especially when we know that the everyday stuff will always be there for us. E.g. wife!) and are constantly on the lookout for a change. And when the opportunity comes, we just go for it. The present day world provides us with a hell lot of opportunities. When there are too many choices around, we just want to go ahead and experience them – either all at a time; or one by one; or may be two at a time…

But I’d truly love to get the answers to my questions being raised above from the people who have dumped/cheated on their partners for the reason “I Don’t Know”. It would be a wonderful source of information in understanding the functionality of the human psyche. You know, listening it straight from the horse’s mouth always makes sense. Well, if I’m that interested in understanding the functionality of the human psyche, then why I’m not shooting the same questions at myself!?? Well, the answer to which would be – “I don’t Know!” :-)


Am I not a smartass!? Happy reading! ;-)


Yours Truly, 13th June 2010
Sieur Clubin 08:30pm

Eulogy for Bruce Lee by J. Black

Bruce Lee, what can i say about the man? I met him 4 years ago and we didnt really hit it off until 2 years earlier. I still remember the first time he joined Pedo Da and me for one of our "Terminal Discussions" he was the shy guy who kept to himself and i wasn't really sure whether he would fit in to our little club. But man was i wrong, we ended up unleashing the creative tiger in Bruce. He was the essential third wheel in the rickety rickshwaw that was TTK. He gave the group direction and at times the brakes that were needed to avoid the sure path of self destruction that we were on.

Bruce was a man of secrets, of intrigue and shadow play. He was also a writer, sportsman and intellectual, a man of many talents who did not share them with the world. He could have joined the secret service or been a writer, sportsman or anything he put his mind to. Such was his talent.

The phrase "Jack of all trades, master of none" would aptly describe him. Bruce knew something about everything, a man of principle he never divulged secrets and took them to his grave, an avid reader, blogger, trusted friend and confidante, there was no one like Bruce. A man of great potential who chose to keep it all under wraps.

Bruce was also a romantic at heart, though my doubt is he didn't know it himself. Always one to sacrifice love for friendship, he never made a move to get the women he loved. Until his last breath, he denied that he'd ever loved only lusted, though the truth was quite the opposite. Bruce yearned for that someone who would make him complete, a partner male or female (most likely Pedo da) who would match him, be the Yin for his Yang. He was also built like his namesake Bruce Lee. A man of steel with a fist of fury, though the fury was rarely witnessed; considering he was the quintesential 'nice guy'. Bruce will be sorely missed, His contributions to our "Terminal discussions" cannot be measured, he was a man like no other.

Epitaph - "He came, he saw & walked away"

- J. Black

Eulogy for Bruce Lee by Pedo Da

Bruce Lee: What can I say about him. The man with the thinnest body but the brightest mind or so he thinks. Like the actual Bruce Lee, his power lies in his bones because he does not have any flesh. A man of very many words, he is a rather humble and down-to-earth person. He is complex yet lovable, talented yet unassuming and these are the qualities that make him endearing especially to the girls. A guide to his colleagues, a mentor to the newbies, a brother to all the girls, Bruce Lee is the modern-day Ram. Very pious and noble, Bruce Lee has always been around for his team mates in their times of crisis.

A young boy who was taken aback by the sheer enormity and size of the company he joined has blossomed into a mature and responsible professional. He now handles the more complex aspects of the process and is a specialist in what he does. Not sure what he does. My earliest memories of Bruce Lee were that of a hard-working chap who was ready to stretch right till the wee hours for his team. An absolute team man, Bruce Lee was an able aide to his team lead and a role model for his subordinates. He is somebody who you can trust with your secrets, somebody who you can call right in the middle of the night. He has always been my Man Friday. Stubborn and rigid, Bruce Lee is a man of principles and stands by them no matter how shallow they are. A rare quality especially if you take into account the fickle nature of the modern generation.

He secretly harbored love but like a true gentleman kept it to himself. He had his eyes on his lady but preferred to be silent. A man who was bound by his duties and did not have time for extra curricular activities. Many years have passed and now she is married but like a true lover, he still prays for her well-being. My heart goes out to this devoted lover and a gem of a person. I adore him and will continue to do so.

Pedo Da

The Legend of Pedo Da’s Ass

With great honour and pride, I write a story that is bound to give you goosebumps. The story of a man, with so great an ass that he himself was not aware of his ass’s greatness. Yes, at the end of it you will shed a few tears but you will acquaint yourself with an ass whom Infosys history has been unkind to . This is the story of an intellectual ass, a great ass, an absolute ass who had to pull his pants down a few notches below just so that his friends (mere mortals) could see his ass. This is the story of Pedo Da, a man with an ass par excellence. In the supporting cast, you have Casanova, J Black and Choos lee.

Pedo Da and his visionary ass found no takers inside the Bay but outside, his ass was king, a ruler who had the world at his mercy (coz of his constant farting). A nonconformist, Pedo das ass went about resurrecting the world the only way it knew, through his disgusting farts and sounds. A revolutionary at fart, he farted farts that had the power to bring the dead to life and change the course of history. The sheer stink of his farts, the magic of its tunes would transcend the obvious. When he farted, he farted like a warrior an ass who was eager to end everybody’s future. A ass ahead of its times, Pedo da had the ass and fart to influence minds and influence he did. The trio of Casanova, Choos Lee and J Black remain a testimony to the horror and the indomitable size of Pedo Da’s ass. Together, they scripted a story that will become a urban legend in times to come.

Three dispirited and utterly confused souls got their act together under the leadership and guidance of Pedo Da’s ass. Like a true leader, his ass brought out the very best in his subjects They looked in awe as Pedo Da’s ass changed their lives and gave them no ray of hope. Their apprehensions and inhibitions increased rest as they discovered the latent potency of Pedo Da’s ass. Three immensely ordinary men started scripting award-winning stories and plots about Pedo Da’s ass. Within a matter of seconds, path-breaking songs in honor of Pedo Da’s ass were composed. J Black, Choos Lee and Casanova had finally found their true calling and the rest as they say is history. Pedo Da had shown them the way to glory and prosperity through the revelation that was his ass.

Well, like a real guru, Pedo Da’s ass moved on but the fires it ignited burns on. His ass’s is a story of torture and pain for others , a story that has not been told before this. He tapped the potential of his ass and transformed it into something more substantial. He has disgracefully walked with his ass into the sunset but his ass’s followers, the holy trinity of Casanova, Choos Lee and J Black have been scarred by his legacy. Their songs speak of Pedo da’s ass and the torture that he was, their stories are centered around the man’s ass and it's size. Pedo Da and his ass, bend over.

The Legend of Pedo Da - By Pedo Da

With great honour and pride, I write a story that is bound to give you goosebumps. The story of a man, so great that he himself was not aware of his greatness. Yes, at the end of it you will shed a few tears but you will acquaint yourself with a man whom Infosys history has been unkind to . This is the story of an intellectual, a great thinker, an absolute genius who had to come down a few notches below just so that his friends (mere mortals) could comprehend him. This is the story of Pedo Da, a man par excellence. In the supporting cast, you have Casanova, J Black and Bruce lee.

Pedo Da and his visionary self found no takers inside the Bay but outside, he was a king, a ruler who had the world at his mercy. A nonconformist, Pedo da went about resurrecting the world the only way he knew, through his inspiring poems and songs. A revolutionary at heart, he wrote songs that had the power to bring the dead to life and change the course of history. The sheer weight of his lyrics, the magic of his tunes would transcend the obvious. When he spoke, he spoke like a warrior and man who was eager to change the future. A man ahead of his times, Pedo da had the charm and charisma to influence minds and influence he did. The trio of Casanova, Bruce Lee and J Black remain a testimony to the brilliance and the indomitable talent of Pedo Da. Together, they scripted a story that will become a urban legend in times to come.

Three dispirited and utterly confused souls got their act together under the leadership and guidance of Pedo Da. Like a true leader, he brought out the very best in his subjects They looked in awe as Pedo Da changed their lives and gave them a ray of hope. Their apprehensions and inhibitions had been laid to rest as they discovered their latent talent. Three immensely ordinary men started scripting award-winning stories and plots. Within a matter of seconds, path-breaking songs were composed. J Black, Bruce Lee and Casanova had finally found their true calling and the rest as they say is history. Pedo Da had shown them the way to glory and prosperity.

Well, like a real guru, Pedo Da moved on but the passion he ignited stays on. His is a story of sacrifice and valour, a story that has not been told before this. He tapped the potential in his followers and transformed it into something more substantial. He has gracefully walked into the sunset but this followers, the holy trinity of Casanova, Bruce Lee and J Black have ably carried forward his legacy. Their songs speak of Pedo da and the man he was, their stories are centered around the man and his greatness. Pedo Da, take a bow.

- Pedo Da

Disclaimer: - This fictional account is written by a delusional man who likes to come up with his own accounts of events that are contrary to what actually happened. TTK offers an unconditional apology to all its readers for having to read these lies!

The Happy Hunting Ground - By Sieur Clubin

I think it was a Friday. We spend a bit more time in the campus on Fridays as we don’t have to get up early and come to work the next 2 consecutive days. Well, that was a lame excuse. The real reason being that our campus looks so colorful and lively on Fridays and as all of us are suckers for beauty, we wouldn’t want to miss this opportunity! Everybody would come in casuals on Fridays (I wonder why the rules/society restrict anyone from doing what he/she likes, through it is in no way turns out to be a social evil? Umm…I’d probably think about this some other time and jot it down here). Our campus transforms into any college/university campus in the US or AU on Fridays (no, stop salivating. Nobody comes in a Bondi beach gear..) One of us would be lost checking out a hot chick and when we ask him where he is lost, he would say that he was busy examining the beauty of a freaking tree in Spring, that has been planted right next to the x-smoking zone! We say we believed him coz even we will also be busy checking out such but moving trees!

On Fridays, our eyes would be performing at their best and ears at their worst. Each of us has to repeat multiple times what he said in order to make others understand. This might also be another reason for our lingered stay in the campus on Fridays.

So on such a Friday, after we were exhausted with our usual topics such as fighter planes, plane crashes, Indo-Pak/Sino-Indian wars, secret service agencies, serial killers, current affairs (current affairs in our parlance means news on Tewari, Nithyananda and such macho men…), our disgusting politicians, nauseating politicial/educational/social setup, pulling each others’ legs by associating him with some chick on the floor….we bumped upon this very innovative and interesting topic – “What each of us would write in his Eulogy, if all of us go 6ft under, except himself!?? The topic was as challenging as it was interesting coz here we’ve to say something about a person who is not dead yet but is sitting there, right in front of you, alive and kicking, and eagerly waiting for you to read your eulogy on him! The fuckup here is that you can’t even lie since he is there to crosscheck, unlike it happens in 99.99% of the eulogies. If you lie, he is certainly gonna get sulky coz of two reasons – (i) you have already made him dead (ii) on top of killing him, as an act of rubbing salt on the wound, you’re gonna lie about him in order to please him, which you never did hitherto. So you’ve to ensure that your eulogy won’t make him angry and at the same time, is free of lies. None of us could come up with a justifiable speech. For others except myself, it might be coz of the two reasons stated above but for me, it’s another story. I can’t think fast. Most of the times, my mind will be blank. I can’t think of something just because I’ve to say something. Framing a meaningful sentence is the toughest challenge for me (even in my mother tongue wherein my vocabulary is above par) I can’t even narrate a story that I read recently or a movie that I watched a couple of hours ago. I think this must be a kinda psychological disorder. Anyway, each of us came up with a line or two and we soon forgot the topic. Now that I remembered that it becomes my first and foremost duty to pay respect to my ‘dearest living friends’, and as I’ve got ample time to think and write about them, I must use this as a podium to come up with a eulogy on each of them. I’ve used their pen-names here as it was in our MoU not to reveal each others’ identity at any cost. But I guess it will be very easy for anyone to identify who the person is once they go through it. I’m in a fix here…if I write what I wanted to say about that person, then it will be nothing but blowing the lid off of his identity and if I don’t write what I wanted to say, it will be as if I’m lying about that person, and hence it might make him angry. Hence, considering that my friend-dear is no more and in order not to make him angry though my effort would reveal his identity, I chose the latter option. But I will only use the pen-name of the concerned person. Identifying him is left up to you IQ. So one by one, here we go…

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Phoenix: I had to do some research on Phoenix on the Internet before writing this eulogy, mainly because I didn’t know how to spell it. It is said that Phoenix is a ‘firebird’ but this friend of mine was totally opposite to that. I wish he had chosen the pen-name ‘Ice Man’ or a “Cucumber’ (ref: as cool as a cucumber) coz that’s what would’ve described him the best. Always cool, composed, introvert, non-talkative, and never lost his temper even on a single occasion in the entire 4+ years that I knew him. We both joined the company on the same day; and we both knew that we both didn’t enjoy what we have to do inside the bay, since day one. A brilliant person with a stronghold on a variety of topics, intelligent to the core, had a fine command over the language, very supple and articulate on the topics of his interest and set such a wonderful example for the ‘waste of resource’- if it is to be phrased out in management’s tongue! I guess Naukri.com came up with its tagline “Caught in the Wrong Job” just by looking at him. He would have made a perfect soldier if he had been in the Services and would have won at least 3 gallantry awards, if not 4 by the time he retired. Provided proper training, he would have got rid of the 26/11 attackers within 4 hours and without any civilian causalities, which unfortunately, lasted for 4 days and resulted in 173 civilian deaths. His knowledge on fighter planes and automobiles was second to none.

Coming to his personal traits, he had this diligently-chiseled looks like that of Michelangelo’s David or any other Greek-God, on which women did go mad! Our TTK group so often requested him to go for the pen-name “Casanova”, coz he was as much a womanizer as Casanova was. Women just fell for him! But as modest as he was, he always politely denied our request with a childish smile. We listed around 16 girls in our Process alone (which included some married ones too! and who knows how many girls were head over heels for him in the outside world!?), that were totally flat on him! But he never ever fell even for a single girl. “The dogs bark but the caravan passes on through” – had always been the response on his serene face. Like any other great soul who will always be in the quest of what he is destined to do, he neglected all this transient, small worldly joys and was always to be found in a profoundly thoughtful mood. None of us could plumb the depths of his thoughts. He always went for the ‘big’ ones; I mean bigger things in life…:)

He was a good sportsman too! Though he was a great forward player in football, he always preferred to be the goalkeeper coz no other guy would go for it. And once I remember how he dived to his left and saved a goal which turned out to be the match winner! The dive was so fantastic that I still remember the details - he was wearing his navy-blue, round-neck t-shirt and blue jeans. He badly hurt his back but still kept on playing in the coming days, until we stopped playing football. And of late we discovered that he was also a poet – a sound mind in a sound body! It took me almost 2 days to write my first article, and J.Black took a couple of hours to come up with a poem for our blog but this guy – Phoenix, took just 15mins to write a poem; that too on the most disgusted topic ever to be found on the planet! If he could churn out such an engrossing poem out of such a detestable topic, I always wondered what if he had tried writing on the most beautiful topics such as love, affection, beauty etc.

But today, my friend Phoenix is laying here - calm and composed has he had always been. They have agreed to inscribe my line “Here Sleeps A Virgin Casanova” on his epitaph. He had been a great friend and a source of inspiration. I would cherish the beautiful moments I happened to spend with him. For the coming generations, I would proudly be telling that I was one among his friends – I used to walk with him, used to talk with him, played with him, spent time with him at the Terminal. And I would be feeling proud within considering that I walked among the Giants like him. I’m damn sure that he’ll be there with open arms to welcome us all (if I happen to reach heaven by some major accounting error). As Corbett puts across the lines from the The Last of the Mohicans –

“the Happy Hunting Ground, where I know I shall find him waiting for me...”


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J.Black: I still have not made any research on this pen-name. And neither did I ever ask him why you chose this id. But all I know is that there must have been a very logical and rational reason behind him going for this id. Coz he was the most intelligent, sharp-witted and rationale person amongst us. And he was the youngest one among us too!

He was my very first auditor in Infy. Before joining Infy, I used to drift with the tide, always following what others would say., having no goal, no thinking ability of my own. But after I got to know this guy, I probably picked up from him how to use the miniscule amount of grey matter stuffed right between my ears and use it whenever required. It is alas that his efforts in making me learn to use my brain ended in vain, but it of course was of some use. He taught me many things related to work, and things that were not related to work. It was so difficult to believe that he was actually 26 but not 62! He was a personification of the saying – “a wise head on young shoulders”.

He was the first one among us to achieve many things in life. He was the my first auditor as stated above, he was the first one to grow vertically on the professional growth ladder and become a TL and a manager thereafter, he always was the first one to talk to the clients, he was the first person without whom the management couldn’t move, and most importantly, he was the first one among us to have a girl friend! J Well, still important is that he was the first one to come up with “The Terminal Think Tank” idea! He was always the first one to break the ice and make us (TTK) strike up a conversation. The Think Tank would have been just an empty tank without this guy – coz he always was the one to bring the “thinking” dimension to it. Phoenix and this guy studied in the same school and knew each other for not less than 10 years.

Of course he was mischievous! Only the people who knew him closely would know that he was a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. He used to pull PedoDa’s legs like anything. It was such a fun to watch both of them engage in a verbal row and abuse each other! That will truly go down the memory lane as one of the most memorable events that I happened to witness at the Terminal. Forget pulling PedoDa’s legs, once he even pulled his shorts while playing football! (fortunately, PedoDa was wearing an undi on that day for a change! Otherwise I would have gone to a coma forever!) J Once PedoDa quit Infy, he started fingering up Phoenix. So Phoenix, out of fondness, used to call him ‘the biggest harami on the planet’. At times, he would also pull my legs. Whenever I was talking to a friend online, he would somehow sniff it out and would come and stand behind me. To my bad luck, most of the times, that friend of mine turned out to be a girl L and I used to get screwed for the next two days. Many a times I’ve wondered this guy must have been a sniffer dog in his previous birth…

His life had been a roller-coaster ride. He had seen a lot of ups and downs for his young age. They say “with age comes wisdom” but I would say “with experience comes wisdom”. If it was for age, then I should have been a wise fellow by now which I don’t see happening anywhere in the near future.

Just like with Phoenix, of late did I discover that he was also a poet. He was also caught in the wrong job. I bet he would have made a fortune as a heavyweight boxer. His hand, with a large club fist, was like a mallet or a pair of pincers for a friendly grasp, and, tightly closed, would almost break a paving-stone (courtesy: Toilers of the Sea). These two friends of mine never boasted about their talents, always kept a low profile, and never revealed how talented they were even to their closest friends. It is unfortunate that I didn’t get to spend much time with J.Black coz I joined Infy a couple of years after he joined. But whatever time that I spent with him, that time is simply invaluable. This guy again makes me remind and feel proud of myself that I walked among the Giants. Both in persona and with a 90+ kg mass, he was truly a Giant! So here, with the fondest of memories shaking my hands and their shadows veiling my eyes, I scribe on his epitaph –

“Those Whom the Gods Love – Die Young”


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PedoDa: Nothing arouses more curiosity than this guy’s id! So let me explain it first. Pedo stands for ‘pedophile’ and Da stands for the Da as in Pancham Da, Kishore Da, Saurav Da etc. Please don’t get shocked – he was neither a pedophile (as far as I know) nor of a person of the stature of the people being called out above. But he was a diehard fan of one of the great personalities being mentioned above. He was such a fan of his idol that once he even avowed that his role model is greater than anyone or anything in the world, including his parents! I used to laugh about this thinking that how anyone could ever be greater than one's parents!? But of late, I realized that it makes sense. It makes sense to have someone as your role model who, at times, turns out to be more adorable, more loveable and more sensible than your parents. Anyway, just to pull his legs, we came up with this cute little name for him! Well, as you guessed, it was J.Black who coined and bestowed upon him this id the first time! (if you remember, he was the first one to do most of the things…J) When PedoDa heard his new name, he got pissed, got up and walked away. He didn’t join us on breaks for 2 weeks or so. We even went to his bay to call him but he never came out even to see us. He was the most childish, most energetic and the most imbecile type among us! (I guess he wouldn’t have talked to me for the next two weeks if he happened to read this!)

But he had always been a wonderful friend of mine since day one! I still remember the first day wherein I had to process my live task. I was struggling to complete it. J.Black was busy with something and nobody was there to help me. And whoever was there, was busy helping a couple of girls complete their tasks – which was quite natural. Even I would’ve done the same if I was in their position. Or else people will think that I’m not straight. Anyway, I was at sea, was hungry, and didn’t know what to do. And this guy in dark-maroon formal shirt comes on his own to checkout what is happening with me, why I’ve not completed my task yet. I tell him my situation and he goes through my task, calls another friend of his and they complete it all by themselves. I felt so grateful! Not only that day, as long as I was under audits, he was there to help me. Thus we became good friends thereafter. He eventually ended up as my TL before moving out of the process, and eventually, out of the company. But as long as he was there, he bought life to our tea-table conversations! J.Black pulling his legs, his retaliation in return, Phoenix and I fanning the flame…ah! those were the days! :)

Just like Phoenix, he was also a womanizer! I think all in the TTK were Casanovas or Playboys except me! PedoDa was a bodybuilder (well, an aspiring bodybuilder) who was so damn crazy about the male anatomy! Girls used to fall for him. But he didn’t cut that much a saintly figure as Phoenix or J.Black did I guess ;-) But of course, he often used to tell that his conscience used to blackmail him and didn’t allow him to go out with girls – which we believed. We believed it the same way when one of said that he was checking out the beauty of the tree, as told in the very first paragraph.

He was the most popular among us! But was a child at heart – always talkative and open minded. At times I wondered whether he was 30 or 03 – as against the case with J.Black! He was also the filthiest fellow among us who loved to scratch all parts of his body, irrespective of the place, time and the environment L But he was human :) He gave meaning to the homo-sapien name. As long as he was there, we have had a good time. And even after he moved out of the company, I used to catch him up over the weekends and watch a movie or so. But now PedoDa is not here. I’m gonna get psyched over the weekends thinking about how to kill time. But I’ve to accept the things that come my way and as it is my duty, I must scribe something on his epitaph. So I write,


“Thanks for Leaving – PedoDa” :)


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Declaration


Well, here I feel somewhat satisfied but not happy for penning down what I’d planned to write. I started off with a lot of thoughts, but had to type the half of it thrice from scratch coz this bleeding computer would not store anything that is being stored on it, once it gets switched off. And there have been 3 power cut incidents since morning. I’m tired, hungry and just want to go home and take rest. I came here at 10:30am and now it is 07:15pm. Didn’t have lunch. It is obvious that the quality will be very poor. This fucking thing looks more like a diary and less like an article. But anyway, this is the best I can do for the day and I’m happy that I’ve got something for tomorrow, as per the MoU.

I sincerely beg the pardon of my dearest friends for writing a eulogy on them. This is not to hurt anyone but done just for fun! But somehow, I really feel it is exciting to hear my eulogy, when I’m still alive! J I’m done with my part, and hopefully, let me see if any of my TTK friends come up with a fitting response! ;-) If you like it, then happy reading and if not, let me know so that I can discard it!

Yours Truly, 06th Jun-10
Sieur Clubin 07:25pm

I Wish I Was Blind - By Sieur Clubin

I was sitting in the pantry yesterday - struggling to pacify my always-mad-at-me Panorama account and trying every trick up my sleeve to log on but to no cigar. Well, I remember that I used to forget my log-in id & password always but this time it was a different story. I was keying in my correct id and password but the system was reluctant to allow me to use her (I classify the comps under the female category coz you can never guess when they happily open up and when they angrily block out. I picked this lesson up from my dad. I remember asking him when I was kid – “dad, how to differentiate between males and females!?” (as if I didn’t know ;-) To which he replied – “son, its pretty easy. Whatever that looks simple and thinks straight is a male and whatever that looks jaw-droppingly beautiful but is too complicated to understand is a female”. So my childhood lesson helped me here and please, this statement is not made to offend the female category of the Homo-Sapien species) Anyway, I tried to talk to her in a soft, mellowing tone, caressed every ticklish corner of her very delicate body with utmost care, ensuring not to hurt her by applying too much pressure (including the keyboard and the rubber-ball mouse), tried to use the telepathic mode of communication but all to end in vain. The worst thing was that she was not letting me know why she was mad at me and what the hell my mistake was!? Earlier, on previous such occasions, whenever I tried to approach her she used to spit on my face an error message at least but this time, she was totally cold!

So, here I was forced to ponder about what kind of a heinous crime I might have committed against the system the last time I logged in (surfing porn could not be the reason coz I don’t have the privilege to access Internet on Panorama, and most of my friends are too busy & mature enough (means they are married) to forward those kinda mails) and if I ever figure my error out, how I should be approaching her, what would be the best way to apologise etc etc These thoughts started to fleet across my mind and during that point of time, I don’t know why but I turned to my left and looked behind. It was purely an involuntary action. And I saw this guy standing behind me with his back faced towards me. He was talking to another guy who was sitting in front of him. It appeared that he was waiting for someone. I didn’t (could not) see his face and I turned towards my monitor instantly. By his constitution and dress (black shoes, black trouser, full-sleeve white shirt and if I’m not wrong - a black belt), it was clear that I didn’t know this guy. I have never ever spoken to him. He is altogether a stranger to me. The whole incident might not have taken longer than 0.5 secs coz I think that’s all it takes for anyone to have a glance at things. But slowly, I started to feel a kind of uneasiness within. It started to grow every other second. Initially, I could not figure out what might be the reason but within no time, I realized that that guy was the reason for my discomfort (!?) Forget others, I myself thought that I must have gone nuts coz here I’m feeling discomfort with the presence of a guy whom I have not spoken to, might have not seen him before, don’t know his whereabouts, and don’t know any crap about him. But trust me, my growing agony was too strong to be suppressed by consoling it with some pale assertions. I kept on feeling that there is something definitely wrong with this guy. Finally, I thought if I take a closer look at him at least, he might turn out to be a person whom I know and that might help to calm myself down. So I decided to take another look at him and turned back. Well, what I see here? I saw him walking out of the pantry. He was walking out of the pantry…not alone, but with “Her”..

So my bloody sixth sense was right and whenever it had been right, my happiness had been screwed. I’m of course not gonna reveal who she is, how does she look, how does she talk, how does she walk, what she likes/hates (which even I don’t know!) what she was wearing yesterday etc (though I remember every minute detail of it., including the violet floral patterns on her white…shit, sorry for divulging too many details and lessening your tea-time gossip duration. Let me stop describing her any more) I prefer giving up my sanity (which I think I already have) than giving out her name to the rest (I wanted to say “I prefer giving up my breath...”, but it sounded too sheepish and overused). I guess everyone knows why one is averse disclosing the details of his crush to others, especially when he has not revealed his affection to her yet and suddenly discovers that she has found a new mate! But wait a second! Did I call her as my Crush!? I’m sorry. She is not just a crush. I think she is more than a crush and to be frank, less than love. She is more than a crush coz if she had been just a crush, I would have forgotten each and everything related to her the moment I saw her with another guy and would not have been struggling like this to accept the truth. And if she had been my love, then by now, I would have been roaming on the streets of Bangalore like Archimedes, loudly calling out her name, which fortunately, I’m not doing. So she is neither my crush, nor my love but someone who fits right in between. Ummm…let me call her as my “Crushed-Love!” - sounds good  So when I asked my heart why is that I don’t want to reveal my “Crushed-Love’s” details, it pumped back at me the following reasons:

• I do give a damn about her and want to see her happy always. And revealing her identity might make her irritated, quit the job and move out, which I hate to see happening.

• I get the same amount of joy just by looking at her, observing her talking with friends, watching her moving around. I do enjoy the scared-doe look in her eyes when she is looking out for her friends who are sitting somewhere at the Terminal (especially during the breakfast hours)….irrespective of whether she is mine or someone else’s. I might just be longing for her presence. I might just want to see her at least once in a day.

• I don’t want to cause any kind of embarrassment for her guy. He must never think that he made an unscrupulous decision by falling in love wit her. If I had been in his place if he had revealed these kind of things about my girl, that would certainly have made me lose the peace of my mind. The most important thing here to note is that he is not my enemy in any way.

Anyway, let’s get away with these cheesy excuses and get back to the main stream. When I saw her moving out with that guy, memories unfolded in a fraction of a second and brought in front of my eyes the happenings of the day before yesterday. It was as if they are happening at this very moment, right in front of my eyes. Day before yesterday, I saw her entering the bay following that guy! But it was too small an event that I didn’t even bother to notice it coz there might be a million other reasons behind it., like it might just be a coincidence that they entered the bay together. But my damned subconscious mind had registered that minute detail to unfold at the right moment in order to exert the maximum blow upon me. My mind was clearly deducing this theory – “go by the Associative property. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C. So, if they entered the bay together, and now this guy waits for her to go out together, then there is something cooking between the two!”. I could never find a fitting response to what my mind was theorizing coz I have always been a scrape-through student in maths. I had no other option but to accept. Trust me, it hurts and when it hurts, it hurts a lot…

[Up to this was written in Feb-2010 (now there are only 2 days left for June to arrive). I thought of presenting it as my Valentine’s story as there was such a contest but I could not complete it in Feb. It is obvious that now I’ve forgotten many of the things I wanted to say due to the time gap and many other diversions. I must also admit that I’ve lost the vigour with which I started off. And now that we guys decided to come up with this blog stuff, I thought it would be a nice idea to complete this and put it on our page. I think the Love/Sex subject is always an interesting topic to start with! But anyway, I will try my best to remember the things I wanted to say and would try to present them in the best possible way]

Let me recall my memories associated with her (I really enjoy recalling the things that I like and living in my dreamland) I think even she could read what my eyes were trying to convey but both of us never bothered to translate them into words and always talked through words-unspoken, though our interactions were rare and lasted just for a few microseconds. And may be because they were rare and short, they got imprinted on my memory cells firmly..I guess…

• I still remember I was filling out my appraisal details on the first floor (this happened 2 appraisal cycles ago i.e. a year and half ago) and when I turned to my left to call someone, I saw her standing a few feet away and staring at my comp! It appeared as if even she is looking out for a comp but I could bet that she was more interested in checking out my data (which I believe is true) And Speak Memory – she was wearing the same “violet floral patterns on her white…” dress! 

• Once I shared a joke with one of my close friends and was returning to my desk and suddenly, she came my way! The aftermath-joke smile was still lingering on my face and this sudden surprise must have converted it into a grin. And you know what!? She blushed! (for the first time that I’ve seen!)..she blushed and held her head down and walked past silently & hurriedly. She must have thought that I was smiling at her! (of course I did) But as I’m a proven idiot, I didn’t bother to build upon that.

• I’ve seen her talking to so many of my friends but not even a single person among this lot of my stupid friends, ever did bother introducing her to me  How I used to curse them :-[ But that red letter day also came! The day on which she would talk to me!  It happened like this – we happened to meet at the entrance of the bay (I was leaving and she was entering with a friend who happens to be a girl) So, as per the gentleman-principle, I let them enter first and was about to go out. And I suddenly hear this melody from behind which I think sounded somewhat like “Thank You!”. Well, just to ensure that it is not another of my fancies, I turned back to checkout where did this voice emerge from? And to my surprise, I see that she was standing there, thanking me! I was least expecting this and I was aghast and confused and what not!? Hence, my reply was all but a straight face :- I mutely walked out (such a dumbass I am, %$*@).

• There was this activity on the floor wherein everyone’s name would be called upon at least once. Everybody was done with what they had to do but somehow, her name was not being called upon. I could see her hiding behind a friend and eagerly awaiting her name to be called upon. She was quite nervous. At the end, the host announced that if anyone’s name has been left out, they could please come forward. But this girl didn’t dare to come forward! :-D It was evident that she was pretty excited about this activity and was hoping to actively take part in it, as I had seen her running around with a lot of life on that morning. But in the end, all her excitement was to end in vain. I wanted to point out to the host and say that you didn’t call this girl’s name but that would have made her swoon and hence didn’t do so ;-)

• Another occasion wherein she would speak to me – this was comparatively long and also would be the last time. It was an auspicious day (religion withheld) and I was talking to one of my friends (who happens to be in her team). Somebody in her team had bought a kind of homemade sweets which she was distributing. She was wearing a sort of peacock-blue dress, with a bit excess makeup and jewellery on (I used to admire this girl mainly coz of her simplicity. Make up is a big turn off for me. But may be the day was not an ordinary one, her indulgence could be considered as an exception ;-) ) She was well aware of my presence and it looked like she was feeling a sorta uneasy to give her team mate (my friend) the sweets because I was sitting next to him. Hence she calls another of my friend who was standing at the other end of the bay and gives him the sweets first before approaching us! (Hahaha :-D damn, I did enjoy that!) Later she came to us. My friend aka her team mate, denied to accept the sweets coz he wouldn’t like them. Thereafter it was my turn and I stood up. She was standing right there, in front of me, the closest I ever got to see her! (She stands up to my chin ;-) ) She gave me the sweets without looking at me. I thanked her, sat on the chair and started eating. Well, she didn’t return to her place. She stood there for sometime, fiddling around with the spoon and the box. And as if she realized that she is a sort of lost and she should have retuned after distributing the sweets – and as a measure of damage control - she suddenly asked me some mundane question which was totally irrelevant and unfitting on that occasion! :-D (well, I remember what she asked but don’t wanna cite that here!) I just said ‘huh’ and she repeated the question to which I blankly replied ‘yes’, as I was busy checking out her violet coloured nail polish ;-) (damn, never ever thought that this violet colour could turn out be so violent) It was quite evident that she’d recently been through a pedicure treatment ;-) Looks like she is a bit orthodox and a god-fearing girl. Oh yeah, one more thing I’ve observed is that she likes long, silky-smooth hair! (I think its human nature to crave for the things that we do not have ;-) )

• It was April 1st and I was about to enter the bay. She came in the opposite direction. I was having severe cold and was busy cleaning my nose. It must have appeared to her that I’ve got a bleeding nose and was in severe pain :-D That concerned & questioning look was certainly there in here eyes. I didn’t talk to her. Because it was too late. I remember the date coz it was Fool’s day and I’d managed to fool her!

• Once again we happened to cross our paths just outside the bay and this time, I don’t know why but I did smile at her. And she turned back to check out if there is anyone behind her whom I might be smiling at! But of course, it was too late to tell her that it was she whom I was smiling at. Well, I think it is not her fault to think so coz anyone would do the same when they get greeted by a person with a smile at the first instance and grumpy responses thereafter. It was clearly - my fault.

• She might have thought that I might not have observed her stealing glances…while she was sitting with her friends in the pantry or at the Terminal; but how to tell her that observation is the only thing I’m good at!?

Ok, these are the few among the many instances that I was able to recall. There were many other small incidents citing of which I think, is unnecessary. Anyway, I think in mid Feb, I was out of station for 4 days to attend a wedding and when I came back, I stood as a mute spectator to witness the things that unfolded, as being told in the second paragraph above. She was changed. She was a new person altogether. The eyes that oozed out so much of life, concern, care, joy and happiness, were now giving out ice-cold glances. Nope, they couldn’t even be called as glances coz she was clearly avoiding looking at me. This probably is a greater metamorphosis than the metamorphosis narrated by Kafka in his story “The Metamorphosis”. I agree that I never approached her, did neglect her a bit, was lackadaisical…but is there any hard and fast rule that girls should not be the first ones to approach guys? What was stopping her from just using her tongue to convey the very words that her eyes were screaming out? Or was that even necessary?? Could not have we been together without ever speaking a word? The irony here is that though she is also an accomplice, I became the loser. For months and years we exchanged glances, we knew that we’ve got something for one another, both knew that we are a kinda helpless to approach each other and all this, all this waiting, staring, pondering, dreaming…all this ended in just 4 days?? I’m finding it really difficult to believe but I have to. If I ever get a chance, I just want to ask her one question – “Is it that easy for you girls to overlap the memories of a guy from the Past with the Present of another guy?? All you need is just a break of 4 days??”. I wonder if there is any other girl on the planet who could come up with a satisfactory answer to this, apart from this Crushed-Love of mine. No, I would never ever believe if she tells that she didn’t have any kind of feelings for me. That would make her too cheap a liar whom I believe is not…

It is the eve of the Valentine’s Day, probably the most celebrated day (apart from the Birthday) in the life of everyone who was, who is and who will be falling in love. Celebrations happening all around the world and our campus is no different. It is so heartening to see the couples who have found the love of their lives. I would be the wrong person to comment on Love/V-Day and all that jazz coz I’m alien to things like that. Or probably, I might have just had a brush up with the so called Crush, and hence I’m too naïve to make a comment. But it is so inescapable that I could not help but breathe the enthusiasm prevailing in the air. It is so double-energetic like that of emptying a RedBull can, which you didn’t have to pay for. In such an exhilarating atmosphere, I think every person must be praying for the well-being of his/her love, to spend the rest of the life with his/her mate, wishing their love’s life be nothing but a bed of roses and praying for them to overcome any hurdle that might come their way. I’d always been so proud of my acute observation prowess, I’d always been so proud of my flawless vision, I’d always been so proud of my intuition…but on such a lovely occasion like this, I wish I’d never delved into those eyes, I wish I never read what’d been written in there, I wish I never misunderstood and continued this, I wish I’d never lived in the fool’s paradise for so long…and for the first time in my life……….I Wish I Was Blind..

Declaration

Well, this was the story (true story) told by one of my close friends, whose identity I am not supposed to reveal. Of course, I’ve added my own masala here and there (and a few updates from the guy such as the April-01st and the Kafka one being my addition) in order to make it a bit interesting - if not insipid. I wanted this to be sent to the My Valentine’s Story contest as I’ve already told, but it is less pushing to meet the deadline, especially when the story is not yours ;-) I also had to promise that I will not reveal the identity of any of the characters that appear in the story, including that of the girl aka the heroine ;-) All I can assure is that it is not a page outta my biography! So, no questions please! Enjoy!

Your’s Truly,

Sieur Clubin