“Saving the Best for Last”

“Saving the Best for Last”

A Eulogy on PT by Sieur Clubin

Ok, I missed writing a eulogy on this guy. No, I didn’t miss but I deliberately skipped writing his eulogy. It doesn’t mean that I totally forgot him while writing eulogies on the other 3 guys. I fact, I remembered him. I so desperately wanted to write a eulogy on him. But the circumstance in which he was at that point of time, forbid me from doing so. I shall substantiate my stance somewhere down (!) here.

As J.Black has stated somewhere in his eulogy on me - if I formed the crucial third-wheel of the rickety-TTT-rickshaw, and if and only if this guy had been around when TTT took its first breath, things would have been quite different. He would have made the 4^th or the 5^th wheel and TTT would have been a SU30-MKI, a Swedish Gripen, or an F-15 Eagle; instead of just being a rickshaw (thanks to AeroIndia2011 that I couldn’t think of any other similes but fighter planes) Now even the rickshaw is not there but the TTT has turned into single-wheeled bicycle as to be seen in circuses and is being rode by myself and J.Black, one person being on the shoulders of the other and changing our roles frequently. Such was this guy’s grip over wheels that his mere presence could have turned a rickshaw into a jet and his absence, a jet into a rickshaw. At times, I wonder if he has been a professional mechanic (turning a rickshaw to a jet) and tire-thief (turning back a jet to a rickshaw) at the same time.

Such was his talent- in brief; I mean a brief description of his talents. But I’m getting fed up of describing him with ‘this guy, this guy and this guy’. The problem with this guy is that this guy never came up with a pen-name of his own and this guy never contributed at any point of time to the most-low-clicked TTT blog site. I need to find a suitable pen-name for him. Going by his striking characteristics, I think the pen-name PT would best describe him. PT as in pussy-tickler (he had one) or as in physical trainer (I’ll let you know why) So shalt thou be called PT; untileth thou cometh witheth a peneth-nameth of thy owneth.

Now that we’ve coined a pen-name for this guy, it has become easy for me to narrate this guy’s eulogy using this guy’s pen-name.

My very first memory of PT goes as back as…as back a…umm…well, I don’t remember at all. I joined this company in 2006 and our cubicles were set up on the ground floor. We moved to the first floor may be after 6-7 months or so. As long as we were there on the ground floor, I remember him addressing me only once. He was laughing his ass off and telling J.Black “Hey man, he thinks I’m J.Black!”; when I’d addressed him with J.Black’s name, coz I was quite new to the company and didn’t know whose name is what and all. Unfortunately, even J.Black happened to be there and he had this sorry look on his face. I was wondering whether this guy is mentally stable or what coz he appeared to be so happy to listen his own name and when I came to know the truth, I was cursing him like hell (yes PT, I did) And that’s it. He never spoke to me again for a year; till we moved on to the first floor. He was of average built, had this goat-beard aka a kinda pussy-tickler, tinted glasses and a pair of cunning eyes stuffed behind them. He always appeared to have fun at others expense, which he of course- did. He was an auditor when I’d joined.

After a few months on the first floor: One day the volume was less. Everyone was either outside the bay or was busy chatting with their best buddies at work. I don’t know what prompted this guy; he came and sat next to me. It was a Friday. It was a Friday coz he’d come in casuals. He was wearing this full-sleeve black color hoodie (that looked like the symbiotes in Spiderman) blue jeans, and thick black leather shoes (the Woodland type) He slowly opened the zip, shoved his hand inside and started groping in my…..bag. I usually get pissed when anyone touches my personal things (!) without even asking for permission. But since I had the notion that this guy is of my sorts (i.e. either mentally light years ahead of the generation or behind it), I let him go. After that he shoots this question – “What you carry in the bag man?”. I said there is a book. As he heard the word book, I could see his pupils dilate behind those tinted glasses and his mouth salivating. Soon followed the next question- “Which book?”. I said ‘a novel’. “Which novel?”. “Lolita”. I don’t know whether he knew there is a novel by the title Lolita or he was thinking of the Lolitas category on the porn sites, but it was evident that he got impressed by what I said. “Show me the book”, he said. It was the 50^th edition of the novel which had this picture of a pair of beautiful lips on the front page. I saw his fingers rolling over the picture as if he was actually palpating the texture of those lips. To keep the ball rolling, I asked him “What you read?”. Quick was the response-“Jean Paul Sartre”. I said “yeah, he is a great author”, though I had (have) not read even a single line of his. PT liked that wild guy very much. What’s his name? Yeah, Oscar Wilde. “The Picture of Dorian Grey” being one of his favorites (I don’t know how it is; haven’t read it yet) There was another author whom PT liked immensely. I’ve heard him often talking about that guy. I think it must be….(oh boy, I’ve grown senile; I can’t even recall this…shit) I think we even presented him a book of that author on his birthday. Fuck, I’ve forgotten. I think it is Dostoevsky or someone of that sort. Anyway, and so became we friends. But I still doubted that he has actually read all those books that he claimed to have read, until he recited the entire poem “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” by William Wordsworth once. That made me believe that he is well read. If one is not into reading, he cannot recite an entire poem that he had read in high school. It appeared that during the initial days, it was more of mutual respect that existed between us than friendship. I respected him fearing that he might make fun of me if I quote something wrong from literature and I think he started respecting me for the same reason. And we found another person in the team who was also into reading. It was J.Black’s X. She was an ardent reader. I remember her saying “I read every book twice” (I know that this much tickling is enough to send J.Black a couple of years down the memory lane. He will take a long time to come back. Let’s leave him alone and continue with PT)

Apart from literature, he was also into arts. He was interested in paintings. I have heard him saying “I like Monet”. Once I said that Modern Art is an old concept and he laughed at it. After two days, he comes to me and says- “Yeah man, you’re right. I realized that Modern Art is not all that modern”. As much jocular as he was, twice was he humble.

He was like water. I didn’t mean to say what all purposes he was being used for. What I meant to say is that he used to get along with everyone, in every group; just like water taking the shape of its container. At one point of time, we were in the same team i.e. PedoDa’s. That was probably the best team ever to be formed in the history of this company. We had some real intelligent people in the team; the only exception being the team lead himself! Our bay used to be nothing less than Plato’s Academy, as there was nothing under the Sun we didn’t use to discuss about. We had some girls in our team, who had both brains and beauty- which is a rarest of the rare phenomenon ever to be seen in nature. Profanity used to overflow the measure. One had to go through stringent tests to get into this team and if one not blessed with even the least amount of profanity, would get rejected in the very first round itself. But one thing was evident- whatever topic it might have been, it used to get transformed into a sexual one in no time. Thanks to our age, hormones, PT, PedoDa and (no, not me. I was always the very innocent type)…

A great footballer he was. The only difference being that instead of kicking the ball, he used to stamp the feet of his opponents with that 25kg military boots studded with teethed, steel horseshoes at the bottom. That’s how he used to help his team win. There was another crackpot who used to catch the balls of his opponents in order to incapacitate them (a true believer in the “catches win matches” principle) I’ll not write about him anytime in future coz it’s not worth investing time, energy and brains describing a cartoon. Cartoons are meant to be watched, not to be read about…

Now we shall see what kind of a physical or a personal trainer he was; which would explain his pen-name. He used to attack from behind; the targets always being hot chicks on the floor. He’ll come pussyfooted behind a girl who is busy working, and without warning, he’d choke her by putting his right-hand around the neck and squeezing it. It looked like he was trying to teach her breathing techniques or demonstrating the strength of his 8-pack biceps. But to us guys, it looked as if on the pretext of playing around with them, he was actually trying to feel ‘em up (you know, the pink in girls that every guy would love to play around with) We could see that his elbow (by that time it would’ve encroached the cleavage-breakup area) moving across desperately in an attempt to get a feel of that softest clump of fat embedded in the skin, in the form of cups. If the girl happened to be aware of his presence, he’d simply stand behind her and try to guess the color of her xxxxxxxx (make a guess yourself). But he was hypnotic. The girls never understood his intentions and we guys, never revealed it. I hope now you’re convinced why I’ve given him the pen-name PT. Let me know whether it suits him or not. I might have gone a bit overboard in this paragraph but I think it’s ok considering PT’s appreciation for crude humor (And by the way, who gives a shit when he is not around and can’t do anything? This is a eulogy but not a felicitation speech, isn’t it!?)

Apart from his literary interest and appreciation for art, he was truly intelligent. I must say that he was the most intelligent among us (surpassing even J.Black; reasons stated below) He had to be intelligent otherwise he wouldn’t have been worked as an auditor for 2 years (P.S. even I worked as an auditor for some time!) He was intelligent for 4 main reasons:

1) He was handpicked and promoted by the client to work as an auditor

2) He did his MBA in the US

3) He was the first one among us to get out of this shitpool; and most importantly-

4) He flipped the bird at some despicable carpetbagger who has been custom-made for cleaning public toilets using his tongue but unfortunately, holds a high rank here (that’s how it became a shitpool), when he tried to act extra smart (Well, that is this shit {face+head}’s specialty. He tries to act smart and gets screwed in public even by the newest of the new member in the team. I’ll probably write an article on this piece sometime) Thus proving that PT had this incredible talent of judging people precisely and respecting them accordingly.

I, PedoDa, and a girl who was a damn good cartoonist (specializing in Calvin and Hobbes and Hagar the Horrible) and who was, at that point of time, appeared to be PT’s best friend (?) from the opposite sex; met him a couple of days before he flew to the US to pursue his MBA. They both were wearing black t-shirts and the girl was in blue jeans (who gives a fuck about what PT was wearing below the tummy anyway. But cudos to my photographic memory, I remember what the girl was wearing!) We went to this pub on MG Road (Purple Haze?) and were having a good time till PedoDa, living up to his reputation, broke a beer mug. We bailed out from the place in an instant and bid adieu to PT. That was the last time I saw him……..in India.

While doing his MBA, he used to come online every now and then and we used to talk. It was obvious that he was missing home badly coz he desperately wanted to eat those homemade pickles. Fortunately, his bro was there to guide and help him. Since he was bright and brilliant, he successfully completed his MBA, though the pressure was insanely high. At times, he used to act as if he’d totally lost it. That’s why I didn’t write a eulogy on him the first time, fearing that it might activate some unexplored region in his brain and make him think and act in a totally different dimension. But I never thought that I might have to write a eulogy on him so soon…

That’s how life is, so full of surprises. If we all knew whats in store for us, then all of us would’ve been born prepared. Unfortunately, it’s not that way. It’s a good thing that PT left us for good a couple of years ago. It’s helped us a lot to learn to live without him. Or probably, life prepared us in advance. Otherwise the grief would’ve been threefold. This is one instance wherein the saying out of sight, out of mind has really turned out to be practical. We will not miss him coz we are not missing him. But memories- bloody pictures stored in the mind which pop up with utmost clarity, exactly at a time when I want them to be buried, force me to remember him. The more I try to forget, the more I tend to recall. Though we don’t give a shit about what all happened, it becomes our duty to say something at this grievous hour. And considering PT’s taste, interest, inclination, and orientation; I write on his epitaph:

PT, yo is in heaven, take a look

Thou shall no more be a horny prick

Don't eye on Eve, she's Adam's fuck

Till your time comes- "Best of Luck!"

There sits Jesus on his golden chest

Take your eyes off His Angel's breast

Stop your quest, control your lust

Let your weanie take some rest

Float on clouds, they now are your wing

You and Fairies, shall play and sing

They're all girls; so cover up your thing

You won't get boxers, try a g-string

One small error and you'll be sent back

Hence stop begging for a snort of crack

Make your moves with utmost knack

Use your brain- that you almost lack

And hey! Don’t bother if you end up in hell

That’s where you’ll find the rest of us dwell

Come, together we all shall yell-

"Without Friends - Heaven was real Hell..!!"

Thanks for constructively utilizing your time!

-Sieur Clubin 11:10AM, 15^th Feb, 2011

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